Pharrell's "G I R L" left me unhappy

Clap your hands if you feel like a room without a roof. For everybody else, keep reading.

2013 was a golden year for Pharrell Williams. He played an important role in some truly great hip-hop and R&B songs, including vocals on the radio-conquering tracks “Get Lucky” and “Blurred Lines.” He’s also recently provided some talented production for Schoolboy Q and Earl Sweatshirt. He even made a song for a generic Hollywood animated sequel film and it’s currently one of the most popular songs in the world, accompanied with its own 24-hour music video. Having been a fan of Pharrell’s most recent work, I came into this album with expectations.

“G I R L” is a collection of unimpressive songs that reveal Pharrell’s songwriting weaknesses. I recognize how much potential and talent this guy has, and this album is a disappointing representation of his work. These songs are fun, humorous and positive, yet they are lyrically impersonal and musically uneventful. It’s like Pharrell decided to release an album just for kicks and giggles. In response, I will kick and giggle at it.

Sometimes artists strike gold when they have fun with their lyrics (ex: “What rhymes with hug me?”), but Pharrell’s attempts here are simply unappealing. People may question how one can tell if a song is “personal” or not. I will show you how with commentary on some ridiculous lyrics found on this album. “When I open the window, I wanna hug you, ‘cause you remind of the air.” Good analogy, bruh. Do you come in like a wrecking ball while you’re at it? “Let me serve you hot sex and gold, shiny things. I think you are a lost queen.” The girl sitting next to me just laughed so hard from reading that, milk came out her nose. “Duck Dynasty’s cool and all, but they got nothin’ on a woman’s call.” I’m sorry sir, this is a studio. The 3rd grade poetry contest is down the hall.

The music may be uneventful, but it’s enough to make people dance, which is why “G I R L” is currently one of the most popular albums in the world. The production is just so thin and sounds like mere mediocre work was put into it. This album also breaks music critic Anthony Fantano’s R&B golden rule, “If you got no bass, you got no case.” “G I R L” has no case.

I feel like I’d have to be some heartless jerk not to like “Happy.” This song is entertaining and radio-worthy in my book. Lots of people are out there making the same kind of positive R&B grooves, but this song lives up to its title. Easily the best track on the album. The collaborations on here, Justin Timberlake on “Brand New” and Alicia Keys on “Know Who You Are,” are album highlights.

I appreciate Pharrell’s attempts to sound ambitious on here, although the results can sound weak. “Lost Queen” has some African rhythms and has two different songs contained within its eight-minute length. It’s not a bad track but it isn’t enjoyable in its entirety. “Marilyn Monroe” has some fun hints of early Michael Jackson melodies, but it lacks a true soul. That definition of “Marilyn Monroe” basically sums up “G I R L”: A guy trying to make throwback music while singing generic emotional cliches in a falsetto voice. Pharrell is seen wearing a robe and a pair of aviators on the album cover. A clear sign of his lazy approach to this album. Please do yourselves a favor and hear the new War on Drugs album “Lost in the Dream.” Stay happy.

MY RATING: 4/10

Schoolboy Q's "Oxymoron" & my personal "hip-hopinions"

Schoolboy Q's "Oxymoron" topped the the US album chart this week. This isn't a bad thing considering the top spot was held by the "Frozen" soundtrack last week. The snow has melted and it's time to "Let It Go." Get it? Get it? Man, I crack myself up. 

Anyways, I will be using this album to explain my thoughts on hip-hop. With most genres, I can shell out facts and judge music with my trivial knowledge and keen ear for production. However, the critical acclaim for hip-hop is more opinion-based than universal. Two people can rarely agree on their personal hip-hop preferences. Some of my favorite rap albums from last year came from Danny Brown, Earl Sweatshirt, Ka, Run the Jewels and Kanye West. You've heard of some of these artists, probably not all of them. They don't have much in common with each other, but they all have distinguishable personalities. A personality is what I want from a hip-hop album.
So. Cal rapper Schoolboy Q's personality has been developing for the last couple years. I hated his bucket hat image at first, although it's kind of growing on me. So is his music. "Oxymoron" has more to offer than Schoolboy's 2012 release "Habits & Contradictions." This album is more focused and consistently enjoyable. However, it's full of little annoying hip-hop pet peeves. Since this album contains a mixture of both awesome and stupid attributes of rap music, I'll use it as a guide to my hip-hop opinions. "Hip-hopinions."
Good Hip-Hop: Lots of people out there think I dig old-school hip-hop more than modern hip-hop. Well... I do. However, I want to hear progress in the hip-hop world. I love me some Wu-Tang Clan and Public Enemy, but sounding exactly like them can be a turn-off. Songs like "Gangsta," "Break the Bank" and "Collard Greens" may come off as annoying to old-school purists, but these are great sing-along tracks with hidden, blended-in doses of echoed production. By the way, Kendrick Lamar's verse on "Collard Greens" is tight.
My favorite tracks are "Los Awesome," "Hoover Street" and "Blind Threats." "Blind Threats" is a chilling, personal track that features Wu-Tang vet Raekwon and some smokey instrumentation. Even more personal is the scary, lengthy life story "Hoover Street." With these two tracks, Schoolboy Q reveals his dark past in a musically innovative way, which is pure gold songwriting in my hip-hopinion. "Los Awesome" does the exact opposite, yet it's totes my jam. In short: Hot rhythms section, sick Jay Rock verse, "Chilling cool, cool with you!"
Bad Hip-Hop: "Oxymoron" starts off impressive, but the rest of the album could definitely be better. "What They Want" is a very bad song. I've heard my share of rap songs about sex. In my hip-hopinion, you have to be pretty darn clever to make one that's actually good. This track is simply too bland and wastes over four minutes of your time. The "go-go-go" chants on "Hell of a Night" sound somewhat embarrassing. It's an unnecessary detour to the club. I honestly tried to enjoy the album's centerpiece "Prescription/Oxymoron," but at seven minutes I found it painfully long-winded. I can only stand hearing Schoolboy's obnoxious voice crying "I just stopped selling crack today" so many times.
Perhaps this album isn't necessarily amazing, but it has some unexpected moments and it's actually a worthwhile listen. I thought I'd hate it, but "Oxymoron" is fairly enjoyable.
MY RATING: 7.5/10